Our pool has overflown (reviews)

[Lady Jessie]

Erm, yeah, review my story "Our pool has overflown" here.

-Note- This was acctually started by Mistress Emma, who can not be bothered to log into her own account.

[Lady Jessie]

I know. I was like, " EMMA!!! " and stuff. Yeah.

Erm to start with rain is not typical Melbourne weather. REALLEH FREEZING COLD OMG-I'M-DYING- weather is typical. Rain is rare 'cause of the drought. ;D

Er, and some paragraphs could really be appreciated. Like... er, take following example!

It was a pretty average day for Lilly Elson, it had been raining. Hard. Pretty typical winter Melbourne weather. Which meant she couldn't swim in her pool. Which was bad.

She opened the weird high water-proof gate to her yard and... was run over by water. "strange," she thought, "I don't normally get run over by water when opening the gate,".

Rising from the water, she saw something that made her cry out "Muuuuuuuuuuuum, we've got a bit of a problem here,".

"What kind of a problem?" Called out her mother.

"Our pool has overflown" Lilly stated.

Er, yeah. ;D And also, grammar is awesome. You should be going, "OMG GRAMMAR I LUFF YOU. ", not "Erm... I don't know you very well really. ". Here is a list of awesome grammatical points to remember:

• At the end of a line of dialogue, if there is a "Mr Snuffly said." or something similar otherwise, and the line of dialogue would end in a full stop, then you use a comma instead.
  
• If you have a tag at the end that does not start with a name (ie. "said Mr Snuffly.") then the "said" should not be capitalised.
  
• Lines of dialogue ALWAYS start with a capital letter.
  
• You never have a comma before the end of dialogue and then a full stop straightaway. You just have the full stop. ^^
  

Whee. Vereh grammatical. Erm... and continue your story, I guess? I want to see if it gets any more original, because at the moment it's sounding eerily like this story I wrote in grade three...

[Queen Shannykins]

...What your sister said about the grammar. xD;

Contiue this! ! -huggles-

[Mistress Izzy]

Well, I think it is good. Grammar doesn't matter to me so much, as long as you have speech marks, capital letters and full stops. Continue!

[Lady Jessie]

EMMA SAID IT WAS A ONE-SHOT.

It does not even remotely sound like a one-shot. Blah.