How To Disect A Crayfish

[Queen Shannykins]

Based on the true story. Zach, add anything I miss. XD

Episode 2: The External Anatomy of the Crayfish

-The How To Disect A _______ theme song plays as the show starts. It sounds uncannily like the CSI theme song-

-Zach comes back with the crayfish, which is like, huuuuuuuuuuge-

Shannon: o.o That is considerably larger than the ones you see in the creek.
Zach: I know... Oooh, probing time! -takes out the probing tool and begins to probe the crayfish- Oh my, looks like a couple of its legs are missing.
Shannon: You tore them off, didn't you?
Zach: It wasn't me! I swear!
Mrs. Bartek: -is walking around- I swear, these crayfish must be fed steroids or something, they're huge.
Shannon: Like shrimp.
Zach: But shrimp are small!
Shannon: No! I mean the jumbo shrimp that are usually encased in coconut!
Zach: Oh. Those are good.
Shannon: Yup. -picks up worksheet- Is your crayfish male, or female? Okay, Zach, turn it over and, erm, probe the swimmerets.
Zach: -probes swimmerets- Definately female.
Shannon: Okay, whatever. -writes that down- Find the mouth hole...
Zach: Found it. Ew, it's hairy.
Shannon: That is grotesque. o___o -pokes it- Anyway, we need to measure the crayfish.
-they mesure crayfish and its legs, and tail. But we'll skip to the funny part, which is the measuring of the antennae-
Zach: -laughs evilly-
Shannon: Measure the anten- ohmygod, what did you do?
Zach: I... Erm... Accidentally cut off one of its antennae.
Shannon: Oh, god. -thinks 'Holy [insert profanity of choice here]'-
Zach: But then again, over at the next table they just accidentally cut an eye off.
Shannon: o.o ...
Zach: -probes eye- This is fun.
Shannon: No it's no- -takes the other probing tool and probes the other eye- It is!
-eye probing continues for about ten minutes-
Shannon: Anyway, examine legs and the chilipeds. What is the same about them?
Zach: They're hairy.
Shannon: Seriously? o.o -probes crayfish leg- O.O THEY ARE.
Zach: Oh well. -continues probing crayfish- -probe goes all the way through the crayfish and comes out other side- Oh, shit.
Shannon: O________O;;; TAKE IT OUT. BEFORE BARTEK SEES.
Zach: -pulls probe out- She didn't see.
Shannon: Yeah. But now it has a hole in it...
Zach: -shrugs- At least ours has both eyes.
Taylor: -puts his crayfish back in bucket- Oh my god, there's an eye floating in here!
-Examining the Outer Anatomy of the Crayfish ends-

Mrs. Bartek: Tomorrow, we will be disecting. Now, you guys are going to have to remove the exoskeleton-
Zach: So basically, we're scalping it.
Shannon: Fun times.
Mrs. Bartek: -and you're going to have to decapitate it to see inside its head.
Zach and Shannon: YES! 8DDD
Mrs. Bartek: But that does not mean you can mutilate it.
Zach and Shannon: Aw. DDD:

[Queen Shannykins]

-The How To Disect A ___________ music comes back on. Yes, the CSI music, people-

-Shannon comes back with an even larger crayfish than the one they had the day before-

Shannon: It's on steroids. So I betcha this poor guy... girl... has gone through a sex change. -looks at swimmerets- OMG. IT HAS. 'CAUSE I CAN'T TELL WHETHER IT IS MALE OR FEMALE! ZACH! HELP! I DON'T WANNA FAIL!
Zach: -is looking at tools- I wanna probe it. But we have to scalp it first.
Shannon: HOW?!
Zach: That's what I was wondering.
Shannon: Oh, well. Check its gender. While I try to peel the exoskeleton off. -grabs the tweezers and starts attacking the exoskeleton-
Zach: It's female. And what are you doing?
Shannon: -stabs- Trying. -stabs- To. -stabs- Get. -stabs- The. -stabs- Exoskeleton. -stabs- Off.
Zach: That's easy! -grabs scissors and starts to cut the exoskeleton off-
Shannon: ...
Zach: Oh yeah. I did it. And this thing smells.
Shannon: It's giving me a headache. Either that, or you're giving me a headache.
Zach: Really?
Shannon: Yeah, and I'm thinking it's that.
((FYI, later on when Shannon comes home, she faints, because she's allergic to a high amount of fermaldahyde.))
Shannon: EW. EW. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW. WHAT IS THAT MUSHY PUKEY CRAP??!?!
Zach: That would be the liver. -sticks probe in liver- Do you wanna see it? It's on the end of my probe.
Shannon: O.O ... ... ...Anyway, we have to pull the stomach out.
Zach: I'll do that! -pulls stomach out- -sets it in tray- -pokes it with prober- -stomach busts- OMG, GREEN STUFF IS COMING OUT OF THE STOMACH.
Shannon: O____________________O Don't talk to me.
Zach: I'll live.
Shannon: ._.; -coughs- Anyway, we're ready for Bartek. MRS. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTEK!
-a half an hour later, even though they were like, the first to raise their hands-
Mrs. Bartek: Your cut is very clean, like last time. You found all the organs, buuuuut, I'm gonna take a point off because you accidentally pulled the brain out along with the stomach.
Shannon: Oopsies.
Zach: Ew, there's still liver on the end of the probe...
Mrs. Bartek: ;; ...It has a consistency of mashed potatoes.
Shannon: Pukey mashed potatoes...
Mrs. Bartek: Exactly. (: ... Ew. -walks off-

The next day...

Mrs. Bartek: Crayfish have individual sex.
Zach: :0 Really?!
Shannon: ... -takes a minute to comprehend- ... XDDDDDDDD
Mrs. Bartek: Uh. I mean individual sexes! ;;

((Post anything I forgot, Zachy-Poo.))

[His Sexiness, Sir Zach of Stow]

You forgot the part when you MUTILATED THE CRAYFISH!!!!
MRs. Bartek: Okay, you guys are done.
Zach: Good. *saw off eyes* It's like dice!
Shannon: *with scalpel* die die die die die die die die die die die!!!!!!! *crayfish looks like.... dead*
Zach: O.o